The management of the Road Kill Cafe announces major new changes in the RKC format beginning Monday. "Bubbles" joins the waitstaff in a blatent attempt to stimulate more business from truckers. "Bubbles" is an effervescent chantuese and former Miss Busty showgirl from Las Vegas,(NM) She will be serving counter customers and catering to l8-wheelers runnng the Hobbs to Jal route. In addition RKC is enlarging the parking lot to allow more parking for truckers. Our new railroad type cow-catchers are being installed on trucks so they can pick off those larger road kills and bring em right on down to RKC. This weeks specialty entree will be Flat Lizard short stacks announces chef Andre'. Quick thawed winter versions will be available until the spring lizard runs. Call us now for the Valentine's Day Sweetheart Party.We've discovered l0 sets of those Pixie Shoes as door prizes. The Road Kill Cafe --- Where gastronomy is up to you!
BEVERLY HARVEY 1967: Glenn, If you are bringing in Bubbles to attract the truckdrivers, we want to know who you are adding to your staff for us gals! Let's keep this fair and even!
JERRY PHILLIPS 1964: Hobbs to Jan route??? Hobbs to Jan???
Hobbs to Jan--Just checking to see if you were lurking!
P.S. RKC is considering a roll-out expansion to serve the Jal market on the Eunice-Kermit freeway. Do you think it has merit? RSVP
Our "hunk" of burning love is "Bubba" Twoton, our 6' 2"former running back from the Tenn Titans. He has a dark tan, curly black hair and a classic "V" hardbelly with a six-pack. "Bubba's" IQ is classically challenged, but he has a heart of gold. His talent is removing unruly customers from the premises and bussing tables. He will be wearing his J.C. Penny tux top with jeans cut-offs and awl field boots at the party. He will also handle the drawing for our l0 pair of "Pixie Shoes". "Bubba" is a tough, but tender, sensitive male who is in touch with his feminine side.
BEVERLY HARVEY 1967: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh Glenn, he sounds so dreamy!
...strong, silent, reserved--and his hobby is needlepoint!
BEVERLY HARVEY 1967: Glenn-he sounds like every woman's dream!
I can hardly wait until Valentine's Day. I may just have to go out and
buy a new dress.
LYNDA RAGAN 1960: I'll be there for the drawing for the "pixie" shoes, but unless there is a good looking well built male to wait on us women folk you can kiss my patronage goodbye!! FAIR IS FAIR !!!
FRED TUCKER 1960: Lynda-I have heard them things call lots of diffirent things, but never have I heard it called a, what did you call that part, a patronage? Not only have I never heard of that, but I never even seen one. Wonder what it could be called on someone else?
ANN BERTRAND 1954: Fred, Only women know where the 'patronage' is located! ............... LOL .............. I'm with you Lynda, there's got to be a HUNK there in the RKC or I won't go either!
Ladies, ladies, ladies...you didn't read #5. Our Teutonic Greek God "Bubba" will be there to serve your every need at RKC. But please don't pinch "Bubba", he's got bruises on his buns now from adoring females.
LYNDA RAGAN 1960: What !! No pinching !! Glenn, you sure put the restrictions on us girls having fun.
Ahhhhhh Fred, the mysteries of life continue to elude you !!! ROTFL
Well OK, just one per customer, and make it gentle. Our "Bubba's" trying to heal up all those bruises from New Year's Eve. It's been a month now and his buns are not covered with green and brown "love spots". Be sweet.
LYNDA RAGAN 1960: All Right !!! Look out Bubba here come the gals
Sandy, Bev, Annie, Morene-------- remember just one pinch a piece!!! We'll flip a coin to see who is first,--- or better yet we could flip Bubba !!! ROTFLWTIME
ANN BERTRAND 1954: Lynda, All I want to give is one
good 'LOVE-NIP' at Bubba's buns. If he's any kind of man he can take
it!!!!!!! And the tip will be better too... hehehehe
Remember Glenn, No pinching of "Bubba's" buns and no tipping from the girls!!!! .......... LOL
"Bubba" tells me he's using Bag Balm on his tight little buns to toughen them up for the onslaught. He's naturally very shy and apprehensive about all this female admiration. Makes "Bubbles" jealous when she loses the spotlight. After all, she's supposed to be our new attraction(s). She's dressing in her Tu-Tu and pixie shoes for the Valentines Day LoveFest.Chef Andre' from Paris will be dapper in his Cordon Bleu uniform, pencil thin mustache and tall white hat."We wish ze peoples of Eunice only the best continental fare. Bon Apetite!"
ANN BERTRAND 1954: I've got the sneaky suspicion that "Bubbles" is going to make a play for "Bubba" and put the quietus on our 'love nipping'. You've got to talk to that big ole gal and tell her to leave our 'Boy Toy' alone.......That's one of the few excitements left for us 'OLD GALS'!!!!!!! hehehehehehe P.S. Do you think there might be a pair of pixie shoes in a size 8 1/2???????? Red?
JERRY PHILLIPS 1964: Merit? Certainly! Especially if you include the two favorite dishes of this southernmost part of our state--tread-tracked horny toads, and tumbled tarantulas, the latter providing a true test of the authentic RK cuisine. (Certain unprincipled establishments have tried on occasion to pass off as tumbled trantulas the sun-dried blobs of Beech-nut chewing tobacco one finds scattered about the calichi well-sites and roadsides of this terrain; but let me assure you the average Jalite's palate can instantly detect such misrepresentations. It's quite obvious when one is dining on a spurious spider, as one doesn't experience the delightful stinging sensation of those little micro-abdominal hairs clinging to one's tongue.) I'm sure, however, if you continue to serve genuine arachnids and not the cheap imitations, that your restaurant's credibility will remain high and your business will continue to prosper. Good luck with your expansion plans, Jerry Phillips
Jer, would you be interested in becoming our first franchisee? You could manage the Jal store and of course control the menu and publicity on your site. We could cross-test menu items, cross-promote via ClassMates and enjoy the benefits of food chain economies. I think your considerable writing talents could really stimulate Jalapenos to support a RKC.Besides the tarantulas you mentioned, we haven't capitalized on several critters such as prairie dogs, ground squirrels, kangaroo rats, polecats and many of our feathered friends. What say?
JERRY PHILLIPS 1964: Glenn,
An intriguing idea, opening a Jal Branch Brunch RKC, so to speak. I'll have to think it through. For starters, what would we call the place? So many of the really catchy names have already been taken by similar establishments across the country, though none have the reputation for quality that your restaurant has. There's the International-Harvester House of Pancakes, Furs' Cafeteria, Rot-a-Burger, and Pizza Mutt.
Two names that I've been toying with are "Jal's Jowls and Fixin's" and "Cooters" , though appropriate staff for the latter might be a little difficult to find in the flatlands of New Mexico. Afterall, you already have 'Bubbles'...one hard to top little waitress. Are the rumors true that when serving she can carry two more plates than any other waitress in the state?
Still, as I said, I do find the idea intriguing, and have begun to work
on some local menu items which the area clientel might enjoy. One thing
I do want to clear up at the start though...you mentioned the possible
menu expansion to include some of our feathered friends. I hope by that,
that you are not referring to the abundant coveys of the indigenous
"Hoyle Quail" which can be found north of Jal.
Though they have proven a popular menu item in other locales, I can assure you that all the Jalites I know consider them to be one tough bird, and would rather not engage in all the difficulties of subduing them and making them palatable. Besides, their color tends to clash with the proverbial 'blue plate special.'
Give me some more time to consider this move. Perhaps if I can come up with a few 'sure-fire' menu items, I might be tempted to take you up on the offer.
Regurges, Jerry Phillips
Back to Tall Tales Index